Not Quite Hamlet

So Geocities is finally shutting down. I once had a geocities site and its closure made me go collect all the stuff I had written on it. As it happens what I was thinking of as my geocities site was really an angelfire site and angelfire is considerably better than geocities and is not shutting down or at least not to my knowledge. Even so I will be posting some material from my old geocities site and also material from my angelfire site here. I find the material extremely entertaining mostly because it opens a rather interesting window onto my past of 8+ years ago. This is a joke off of my angelfire site which I thought I would reproduce here.

Hamlet's famous speech

to be or not to be that is the question whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune or to take arms against a sea of troubles and by opposing end them. to die to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the heartaches and the thousand natural shocks that flesh is heir to tis a consumation devoutly to be wished to die to sleep to sleep perchance to dream ay theres the rub for in that sleep of death what dreams may come when we have shuffled off this mortal coil must give us pause. theres the respect that makes calamity of so long life for who would bear the whips and scorns of time the oppressors wrong the proud mans contumely the pangs of despised love the laws delay the insolence of office and the spurns that patient merit of the unworthy takes. when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear to grunt and sweat under a weary life but that the dread of something after death the undiscovered country from whose bourne no traveler returns puzzles the will and makes us rather to bear those ills we have than fly to those we know not of. thus concience doth make cowards of us all and enterprises of great pitch and moment are with this regard their currents turned awry and lose the name of action. soft you now the fair ophelia nymph in thy orisons be all my sins remembered.

not quite hamlet

To be or not to be those are the null and alternative hypotheses. whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous instructors, or to take up calculators against a sea of math teachers and by playing games ignore them. To try to sleep no more and by a sleep to say we end the brainaches and the thousand broken pencils that students are heir to tis a consumation devoutly to be wished. to try to sleep to sleep perchance to dream. ay theres the rub for in that sleep of math what grades may come when we have shuffled out this testing center, must give us pause. Theres the respect that makes calamity of so long study. for who would bear the whips and scorns of class clowns. The oppressors wrong, the proud nerds contumely, the financial pangs of recieved love, the principles delay, the insolence of hall monitors, and the spurns that patient merit of the unruly takes. when he himself might his quietus make with a bare bodkin? who would fardels bear to grunt and sweat under weary homework but that the dread of something after highschool the undiscovered country, from whose universities no traveler returns puzzles the will and makes us rather to bear those grades we have than fly to jobs we know not of. thus parents doth make cowards of us all, and enterprises of great pitch and moment are with this regard their applicants turned awry and lose the name of dropout.


There are a number of points of this that I am unhappy with and would like to change. Also I think an update for undergraduate/graduate education processes is appropriate and so I will be reposting a new version when I get around to writing it.